How did Christianity = middle-class America?

I am concerned for the poor but more for you. I know not what Christ will say to you in the great day... I fear there are many hearing me who may know well that they are not Christians because they do not love to give. To give largely and liberally, not grudgingly at all, requires a new heart; an old heart would rather part with its life-blood than its money. Oh my friends! Enjoy your money; make the most of it; give none away; enjoy it quickly for I can tell you, you will be beggars throughout eternity.

- Robert Murray M'Cheyne, a Scottish pastor from the 1800s

who am i to say otherwise?

Dorky photo of myself at Moto, amazing little restaurant in Brooklyn right off of the L train.


Once I was applying for this job with a Christian organization working with the homeless, and I was unprepared when they asked me to describe myself (actually, I had a spiel for "describe yourself," but what they had was a 4-page survey on my spiritual gifts, personality flaws, hopes, aspirations, and opinion on whether 25- or 50-year mortgages were better). Today, I would say the following:
- Dorky, but not in a cool way
- Small
- Lacking courage
- Someone who uses food to communicate and understand
- Having dogged determination

I mean, that's the more balanced version, but so many days these past months, I haven't been proud to be myself. I would be proud of my Christmas cookies, but my mind would be fixated on how I didn't score that job. I would be elated after a dance class, but just as easily crushed when I couldn't speak to so-and-so in respectable French.

But tonight, as I sit here with a big mug of chai tea and carrot cake (one of the loveliest carrot cakes, for the record), I realise:

if God can love me, why can't I?

If God thinks I'm a work in progress but thinks I'm not half-rotten, then why shouldn't I? Not that we should esteem ourselves more highly than we ought, but oh, that we would see ourselves as our Father sees us - and in that find confidence, courage, and joy.

On generosity and contentment

"Generosity is not a poverty theology. Contentment with thankfulness is not a prosperity theology. The gospel motivates us to be generous and gives us ultimate contentment."
- ZACH NIELSEN

Zach Nielsen writes an even-handed article on money, generosity, and contentment, on the Gospel Coalition here.

Forgiveness

All nice and easy in the books, but when it comes to real-life events that anger you, or just the small things like your husband washed your $100 dark wash jeans in hot water by accident... it becomes a little harder to swallow.

All the single ladies: marriage really makes sure you get these lessons. Enjoy your solo life!

Everyone else: may we always be ready to be obedient, forgiving much because we have been forgiven much as well¹.



1. Luke 7:47.

"Kid, you'll move mountains!"

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

{DR. SEUSS, "Oh, the Places You'll Go!"}

"I don't know what kind of girl I am."

A line from the movie Juno. I've blogged about the line before, but I have to mention it again. I'm 24. I'm supposed to be confident. And yet, as someone who is married and having a very sure-sounding spiel on what I am doing for my career, I don't know what kind of girl I am sometimes.

A friend once wrote to me saying that what I post on Facebook was a bit "caustic." I had a minor freak out, looked over every single thing I'd posted publicly, and prayed about it (if anyone could be honest with me, it'd be God). At the end of the day, we agreed that the term was too strong, and we also agreed to disagree on what and how we should post in public. When I need to be professional or agreeable, I think I can be. But those who know me know that I make endless (bad) jokes, often stress out about minor things, and have a big opinion.

Is that okay? How can I be "myself" and yet filter what is unhelpful or unnecessary? I mean, beyond common courtesy like not throwing a burger at the head of a bad driver (yes, I thought about that once. I don't even drive). What do I do with my big opinions when they claw at me to be let out? Is there even a way of expressing that without offending anyone? Surely if we have something important and divisive to say, someone will get offended. But where's the line?

God help me, seriously.

I don't think God created us to be doormats with no opinion, nor hard-headed people who need to tell everyone everything they feel. But I think that that burning passion that rises up in us sometimes is not to be ignored, but that we were created with it. And who better to help us with how to express it than the one who created us. For me, it means how to tactfully let my loved ones know that we need to be nice to servers (and that tipping starts at 15%). It means learning to control my incredulity when the supermarket clerk treats me more like dirt than a customer.

I can't believe that up to now, I've been mostly insecure and self-deprecating about my big opinions instead of realizing that there is help at hand. No issues are too minute for God, and thank God for that. Lord, help me to come to terms with how you've created me and to be confident and gracious in living it out.

Say hello

"There's an airplane in the sky,
with a banner right behind.
Loneliness is just a crime,
look each other in the eye,
and say hello."

(Rosie Thomas/Sufjan Stevens, "Say Hello")